PPD

Okay, so if you read my posts and you've read the "Why God" one...well I figured out why I've been going so mental and it wasn't because I was PMSing. I have PPD. For those of you who don't know what PPD is...it's PostPartum Depression. This actually affects 60-80% of women and it doesn't always have to happen right after you have your baby (mine didn't). Unfortunately, mine was triggered months later by the excessive amount of stress I've been under due to financial difficulties and by my first post menstrual cycle. So if anyone reading this might know someone who thinks that they have this...they need to get help immediately! It's very serious! It can not be treated w/out medication or w/out help from a therapist - at least that's what I've heard so far.

I just knew that there had to be more to my craziness...I've been so sad and depressed and I kept considering running away from the people who love and need me the most. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't sleep. I would have these "out of body" experiences where I would freak out say the most evil things and when I came back to I would feel so awful for what I had just said and couldn't believe the words that had just came out of my mouth. At work I would find myself taking frequent rest room breaks just to cry. But the one that got to me the most was there have been times where I was really aggressive to my children and I've had to walk away or put them in a different room and close the door because I was afraid I would hurt them.

So to anyone that has been affected by actions...I am truly, deeply sorry and I'm currently in the process of seeking medical attention. Things will get better soon...I just know they will. They have to. I love you all.